I recently had a conversation with a friend about how to handle the many requests for our time, energy, and money that we receive as business owners and consultants. They struggle with wanting to give back while feeling drained – and, at times, used.
I have to agree – it’s a situation I found myself in far too often. That is, until I set clear boundaries for myself and for those interacting with me.
Here’s one scenario. A client you haven’t worked with for a while emails you asking for a quote on a project. They outline some requirements, a vague project scope and a tight timeline – with very little information and no phone call.
It all smells a bit fishy.
It doesn’t take much to figure out they’re simply looking for three quotes to justify work they’ve likely already begun.
The request for “three quotes” is a game that many organizations play – often without realizing how much work it takes for a business or consultant to understand the project, assess resources and create a proposal. A “simple” request for a quote can easily take 5 to 10 hours of unpaid work to prepare.
I honestly don’t think the individuals or organizations are trying to take advantage of others. Rather, they don’t have a good understanding of the work their ‘simple request’ involves. Or how frustrating it can be for businesses to spend their precious time when there’s already a preferred vendor in place.
Boundary setting
Going back to my conversation with my friend, I shared that while we can’t control the actions of others, we can control how we respond. If we don’t honour our time and expertise, no one else will.
In the example above, I advised them to simply reply: “Thank you for the email. Unfortunately, due to the timelines, I will not be bidding on this project.”
Short and sweet.
Don’t feel obligated to prepare a proposal or respond with extra detail. Simply thank them for the opportunity and politely decline.
I know this sounds simple, but it’s amazing how often we’re led by guilt or a sense of obligation. I’ve been there myself – offering thoughts and input, wanting to be helpful.
We all want to help – but at what cost?
Clear priorities
Another common boundary challenge is managing the steady stream of requests to donate our time or money to various great initiatives and organizations.
Another friend shared that a person they had met once, about a year ago, cold called asking for a donation for an event. The event was in three weeks.
In this case there was no relationship or prior working history. The person was simply going through their contact list seeking donations from anyone they’d ever met.
This friend wrestled with whether to donate or not – as they didn’t want to come across as not supporting a good cause. I reminded them there are many, many good causes – but we can’t support them all.
In this case the boundary that needed to be set as a business owner is having clear priorities for the causes that they do support. This includes having prewritten emails outlining these priorities to help respond to inquiries – so they don’t say yes when they should be saying no.
My personal priorities are supporting kids with disabilities and advocating for increased supports in the education system. As a mom and sister of autistic individuals, this is deeply personal to me.
Does that mean I don’t care about stray cats or supporting community events? No. What it does mean is I respect my limited time and resources. Where I do have the ability to give back, I want it to be to an organization or movement that I’m passionate about and can hopefully make a difference.
Building relationships
If you work for an organization that’s made some of the requests outlined above, I encourage you to reflect on the relationships you have with the consultants and businesses you approach.
Do you know the causes or initiatives they care about? If not, have that conversation before making a request. If there’s alignment, you may have a strong ally for support.
And when it comes to asking for proposal for work, especially getting three quotes when you already have a preferred vendor, is there another way you can work directly with the vendor without getting additional quotes? Yes, I know there are many times when a request for quotes is made for valid reasons, and you truly are open to all responses, we can spot the difference between that and sketchy requests.
For business owners or consultants, are you clear on your own boundaries and priorities when it comes to giving of your time? This is a process that can take some work to outline but is well worth the effort in saving you time and frustration when trying to manage requests.
If nothing else, I hope you’ve gained some insights – from both perspectives – into how organizations and business owners or consultants can work together more respectfully.